Chapter-1 A Decision…
It was not how I expected it to end. The story that I have to tell is what we hear every day but still we would like to know more such stories. Why? Because we love hearing stories. This story that am going to tell starts the day which is important in every student’s life. The day of filling in forms. The forms that would chart their career path. Funny, we do not let our parents or peers interfere much in our choices of career but its OK with us to let a form decide it for us.
She had filled the form and is now awaiting results. Till then she is free to follow her heart. That is in writing songs and playing them on her guitar. She started playing guitar when she was 8 and since then she has been strumming her fingers on the strings. And then she discovered her love to convert her feelings into words and words into hymns. Before long she was composing 4-liners for her feelings. Music and writing was all that she dreamt of. But her mind resides with Mathematics. It always wanted to play with number. But her heart was into words and surprisingly her mind was at peace with that too. But for how long? That remains to be seen when the results actually comes out of her applications.
(A week later…)
She sat staring at the window. The dreaded letter has finally arrived… she has to make the choice now. The decision of heart or mind…
You turned my laments into lullaby.
You provided me with the medium to vent.
You were the friend that gave me shoulder.
You kept my secrets.
All hidden in the notes of music.
You were the pacifier between my mind and heart.
You brought the balance in my life.
With soft music or scratching of pen.
Will I be traitor now?
Or be loyal as you were…???
Chapter-2 The Crossroads
There comes a time in our life when we are at the crossroads. This is not any ordinary crossroad, where you can inki-ponki your way out. This is the one whose path if you choose you cannot leave that. Because a. there’s no linking path to other road and b. this is a one-way road. You cannot turn back from it. Ever.
It was now time to choose. Time to let the magic of form to be unleashed. Knowing completely that she was taking a chance. Something that might even turn into a regret, nevertheless she decided to be the traitor. She chose her mind instead of heart, as is the case with every sane person.
Some decisions are worth taking risk. She knows that. Also that it won’t do her any good as there would always be a part of her that would want to know what she could have done. To challenge her limits. To swim in the uncharted water and come out victorious. That’s what she is, and that’s how she wanted to be known. As for her passion, her music, she can always do that in her free time. Right? It is obvious that she won’t be swimming and drowning in the books 24 bar 7. Duh!
But then why this uncertainty in the back of her mind? Why she already misses her guitar and the sound of it, the feel of strings on her callused fingertips?
Night is cold…
Freezing my tears.
Want to run away…
From the Fate.
From the prospect of coming to decision.
Dare I my fate like the cold wind daring me??
Of all the nights.
This seems a long one.
With no one but myself to dry my tears…
And the fresh ones flowing anew.
Reminiscing the old memories.
Which is full of you.
All that missing is you.
Chapter-3 The End or a New Beginning?
She was done with her graduation. On one hand she had an offer letter with hefty package and on other she had an invitation from a renowned university to study music. The package looked tempting. And she has her graduation as a witness that she could continue with her passion by following her mind. The invitation, which was courtesy of her participation in an International Competition during her graduation. She was again on the crossroads. Here she has a choice to redeem her mistake and take the path of her heart or stick to her mind and forever bury her chance to pursue music. She might not probably get another chance to follow the words of Robert Frost (of vocation and avocation).
But as expected sanity again won.
A day at a time.
I lost the right to confide in you
When I chose to betray you.
Will you ever forgive me?
A day at a time.
I lost a piece of myself
When all I wanted was to do the right
Will I ever know the right from wrong?
A day at a time.
I feel lost but for you
I am the sheep that’s lost in wilderness
Will you be my shepherd again? Ever?
A day at a time.
I am the new girl, here
And do not seem to like anything
Will I ever feel the belong-ness to anything ever again?
A day at a time.
I need to sleep. First day tomorrow.
There was nothing else that I can think of.
Will I ever be same again?
Chapter-4 Final Chapter
Five years down the job, she has been promoted twice. She has her own office. She is known for her quick and efficient decisions as well as her witty lyrics. She is known for working till the first light and for playing guitar for hours. The years of sitting behind desk, clicking away at keys instead on her guitar hasn’t yet tanned her talent.
Months ago, she had written back to the university where she was invited years ago to study with them. She had given up hope altogether for a reply. She had eventually started with cursing herself for stretching her luck. Again a sign of sanity.
But 2 days back she received a reply. Saying they would be happy to accept her as a student but she would have to start with elementary level contrary to what she was offered with in the first place. She regretted it, but she decided to accept it nonetheless. She was done with her project and now she was expected to start at University in 3 days. She was leaving tonight. Finally. She got the courage to follow her heart. She is turning insane now. Thankfully.
With you there I believe in friendship
With you there I believe in love
Desolated as I am now.
I am the ship without anchor.
But as you say the show must go on
I won’t let you down
With you or without I have to tread on
So begins my journey anew.
With the hope that you will be there beside me.
That you will either be my shadow
Or make me your shadow…
A month later….
She was clicking away at her desktop. She was back in her cabin. She couldn’t keep with the classes. She started missing deadlines and couldn’t keep with the teachings. So she returned to what she was 2nd best at doing.
Click. Click. Click.
The second form gave her a choice to decide her fate but she chose not to. But now she doesn’t have the constant nagging thought of ‘What if…?’ she is a little more at peace clicking away with her work.